I hit my leg against a round object.  It was our weighing machine. Usually it is impossible to locate its whereabouts. It makes it’s appearances at times and when it does, I know that my Sade sathi has started. Sade sathi is a period of seven and half years where the Saturn travels through the house of Rasi and two houses abutting the house on either side of Rasi house (where moon is stationed in the horoscope). During these seven and a half years, Saturn puts you through many trials and tribulations and the worst of events happen to you. .  

Yes the weight reduction season has started for Beena.

 And now I just have to weight it out. My great battle for the rights for my stomach has begun

“Raju...”

“I am thinking”...  It is a signal for me to stop using my thought process and align to her thought process

“You know Ramdev?”   I could have told her many things but I just gave a non judgmental response

“Yes ma”

“I believe he gives Pranayama lessons”

 “Is it so..?” the trick is to sound mildly interested...

“I believe he gives lectures and pranayama   exercises in the TV. You just sit in front of the TV and keep doing these pranyama exercises’ and your weight comes down....”

My great grandfather Nilakanta shastri has written a thesis on Ganpathyam (worship of Ganapthi as an advaitic symbol where he had written about the role of Pranayama to release the Kundalini energy from Muladhara (seat of Ganapthi) for raising it up to the next chakra for spiritual uplift. I have to now seek pardon from my great grandfather who must be turning in his grave, seek thousand pardons from Pathanjali the sage who was the seer  and articulator of the yoga and impotently witness the deployment of esoteric  yoga for a mundane cause like weight reduction.  

“Really... who told you this....?”

I have to only ask leading questions.....the answers of which will guide my future plan of action. I have to continue the I-am-here-to-support-whatever-you-do-approach... and weight sorry wait and wait.

“Vijaya told me  ... She gets up every day and spends about an hour in front of TV. You know he tells very interesting stories....” that is the added incentive... Is it?

Now I know... enjoy the gossip and no great body movements. Only breathing... And everything you do sitting down. Beena always believes in maximising results per unit effort deployed....

No wonder Ramdev’s technology has captured the imagination of Beena...

 I know this cannot last. She has to get up every day at 6.00 am....

“Beena I think it is a damn good idea. You want me to keep an alarm...”

She was not sure whether I was joking but looking at my innocent face she was convinced.

“No need Raju I will get up myself”

These days, after shifting to the new house I am earning bonus points in my spiritual growth at a much accelerated rate. In the morning from the nearby temple there is a relay of Swami Ayyappa songs which create a zone of semi awareness or a meditative spiritual state. Now I may get also the benefit of reducing my weight by listening to Ramdev simultaneously... (Even with all insulations form the next room where TV is kept)Ramdev’s words will reach my room in the morning....

I woke up with a start

I could hear some heavy breathing like someone undergoing some deep agony...the type of gasps that you hear when someone is drowning. Beena was not in her bed. Once are twice Beena has had vertigo. With a palpitating heart I broke into the other room.

  Beena was  taking deep breaths .if she breaths like this for two days she can scare the  weight out of her system as some timid fat  cells would perhaps commit suicide.; From TV Ramdev was trying  to convince  me also to join the fun....

By this time reader would be wondering why I am taking a slightly negative view of the happenings. I should be, according to someone like Samuel, jumping with joy if I land up with a wife of yester year without the unnecessary additions of disproportional accumulations over a period of time. Sort of paradise lost and regained you know....This apparent contradiction in my behaviour will become clear to you as events unfold. My whole psychological and physical identity based on the gastronomic appreciation of, Tamilian vegetarian delights, is about to get a severe jolt.

Kanchan, my sister in law who had just now returned from her daughter’s house in Houston was visiting us.  

“Kanchan how do you manage to look so thin”

Kanchan talked at great length about the US work culture and how her daughter Ramya who was working in a senior position was extremely conscious of her weight. She was talking to beena at great length on calories control and so on and so forth. I just walked off and let them continue their private talk. If I had the foresight I should have been sitting in their earshot to prepare my future strategies...

“Raju”

“Yes Been”

“Did you see Kanchan?”

Very difficult to answer this question I should understand her angle and answer.

“Huh”

“She says she has lost five kg in the last three months....”

Oh that is the angle...

The Saturn is now moving into the middle house ... she is going to bid adieu to Ramdev..

She has moved to the next gear......

“Really!!!”

“Don’t be funny  ... Can’t you see that she has reduced?”

Over a period of time I have developed selective functional memories. Memory of weight addition to women whom I know comes under the category of Deleted non functional memories...especially when it comes to women whom both of us know.

 “Coming to think of it...... you are right Beena”

“Don’t you think that she is the person I should consult?”...

Dangerous questions... Better to give a neutral answer (like walking on a tight rope...)

“What do you mean..?”

“She is going to be my diet guru. She has asked me to make the list of items I am eating and the quantity of intake .I am planning to talk to her every day in the evening and she will prescribe for me what I should do next....”

The vacuum created by Ramdev is now occupied firmly by Kanchan....

“Raju let us go to the mall for purchases today....” Every Sunday w e do weekly purchases of vegetables form the Madivala market.  Today she wants to go to mall. Trouble is brewing .Show no resistance. In the long run patience pays (if the patient survives)

 “Beena shall we buy Arbi?” I love Arbi fry.... every time we go out we buy half kg Arbi.

“Raju this is not the season” her focus was on greens and salad items...

“Moreover it is not good for health... Kanchan is against it”

“Oh! Oh! I see”

I Prefer vegetables to have a non differentiated uniform fried identity  whereas beena prefers them to retain their unique identity in a boiled form .Under normal circumstances both our equating and differentiating taste needs were satisfied but these are not normal times.

 “Raju do you want Beetroot? Do you know it is no calorie veggie?  I love it”

It is my job to arrange the vegetables in the fridge once we reach home. As a regular routine I   , locate the shrunken misshapen beetroot from the fridge and shift it to the trash can.  

Instead of her usual one big Beetroot she has selected four of them...

Our cart was looking green and orange and red (spinach, carrot, tomato and beet root) when we finished the veggie section. She dismissed with a wave of her hand, my feeble efforts to populate the cart with a few items which would force the issue when it comes to cooking. My thought process was if you buy them you got to cook them....

Alu (We have enough at home raju..) and plantain (They are looking miserable... aren’t they Raju?...yes ma...) Are therefore persona non grata in the cart. There will be no fried stuff in the menu. Only raw and boiled vegetables are allowed as menu items...

Say good bye to Arbi fry, Alu bhaji and Plantain curry and fry(three days regular menu)   ....Parval(which I hated),Avarai(which I can take with moderate resistance)and Palak(which is ok as an extra dish; but when it substitutes a mainstay subji, I definitely put up my vote  against it. Please that it is only a vote and not veto) have found their way inside the cart....

We move to the Dhal and lentils section....

“Raju I know you don’t like this  ... I love the liquid  baji I make out of this Gota Special Chickpea...............Kanchan also  says that we should take these legumes every day...”

“No No been take this  ... I will definitely take it...I may eat a little less but I am ok with this....

“If you don’t take...”

‘No No put a little Alu in the baji; I will take”... I tried the indirect way of incorporating the vanishing Alu back into the menu....she let the call for Alu pass. The chickpea was already added to the cart...

“Babli makes this  ...You remember that day... You also liked it.....” ....) I have never seen this stuff before and it sort of stares at me with its blackened cover...

Next week we are going to have three new dhals.., three veggies I disliked and absence of my fried favourites...and no Alu....

I shuddered to think of the coming week of my ordeal at the dining table...I could not stomach it...

We picked up fruits and I thought we should go and pay up at the exit counter.

“Raju let us go to non veg and pick up fish”

The problem with Mallus is that once they have fish in their menu they don’t need anything. They have fish and rice for breakfast, rice-fish,fish Ras and Kakdi for lunch and again fish’n’rice for dinner, unlike us guys form the eastern shores where we need a spread. The ominous signs are very clear. Usually she buys fish only on occasions when I am away on tour, or when my son visits or when there are visitors from Kerala. When we eat out, she has her weekly quota of fish. She is now openly making it a standard menu.....

With a sinking sensation in my stomach and a sunken heart I followed her to the place where they stack non veg items....

Dinner time is around nine.

“Raju  I am making fish for myself and Ammichi”

“hmh’

“What do you want?”

“Yesterdays’ rasam should do for me”

“Then I will make palak bhaji...

 Don’t answer this directly... I like to have one subji to go with curd rice...

“What vegetables do you have?”

‘“Parval, Avarai...”

 “Why don’t you make a Thgohiayal?”

She hates the making of it...she does not like it also... Feels that there is no protein in it...now she would come around...

“I have cabbage also”

 Now close the deal

“That is a good idea.....Make cabbage bhaji”

 So now you see the effect of this Sade Sathi!   You are now getting a glimpse of the impact of this season on my gastronomic identity .My taste buds which are used to a certain routine will undergo a shock .Strange items will start their appearance on the dining table and  items which we -could- never- do -without will disappear. Since the high point of my day’s activity is usually the dinner time I will have to struggle hard to retain my cool. (Is it not said in the striptures that....way to a man’s heart is through his stomach...)

I am in for such complicated manoeuvres (like the one you witnessed about how  I managed  cabbage baji)   throughout  the week....thank god that ,back in the mall I had picked up  one MTR Puliyodarai Mix, Priya Avakkai  pickles and a Pepper Kozhambu bottle... I am prepared for the worst battle of survival of my stomach versus Beena’s weight reduction manoeuvres...

“Raju we will go for power walk”

I usually love to go for an evening walk. If Beena is not tired (after her morning work with the construction site where she was building a house for our daughter) she will come with me. Otherwise I take a pleasant stroll to the gate and back (we are living in a gated community and the only walking route I know is to go to the gate and come back)

“Raju power walk is to go fast and get a little perspiration. Kancahan goes every day for a power walk”. 
    
The sinister hand of Kanchan in this also. She gave me a figure that ordinary stroll consumes only 140 calories per hour but power walk consumes double that...

I had taken water and as I was doing the power walk the water kept sloshing within my stomach and made a gurgling noise. ( I remember the Kalidasa sloka where he talks about the sound of water inside a half filed Kodam... the sound he used was” gulu guggulu guggulu”) two or three of other joggers were giving me a funny look. When I told Beena to reduce her speed on this count she found it hilarious and started laughing.  Apart from the agony of the half filled belly I had to also suffer the unwanted music of the other half of the belly filled with water.

I had another cause for worry also.  She was walking fast and she knows the inside out of the roads and keeps taking sharp left turns and sharp right turns...if I do not follow her movements closely soon I would find myself lost in the maze of roads. However this act of conscientious   following, to the bystanders, gave an impression of a husband who is dutifully following every step of his wife. Being somewhat on the prouder side I did not relish the idea of scurrying behind her in a literal sense especially with the accompanying noise...But I consoled myself saying that after all to support a wife is a part of my duty as a husband...

She had forgotten about Ramdev...

In the morning we were having breakfast.

 “Raju”

 “yes ma”

Then came the bomb shell

“You know Kanchan tells me that rice is bad as it contains only carbohydrates.....”

If rice goes out my menu I am done for....

Sensing my discomfort Beena adds

“No no I am not thinking of discontinuing rice but  ... I am thinking of increasing chapatti days.....”

Kanchan will be leaving next week. But by that time all damage would have been done...

In the weighing machine I checked my weight. I have lost already one kg.....

I trust the power of history.... I also trust Beena and her persistence on this matter. With Kanchan moving away the Saturn will move to the last house and away from the afflictions. I will have to struggle for another week.

I remember the Sufi Story by Idries Shah,

A king once asked his viziers to give him a medicine which will help him face any crisis.

Many gave him talisman and potions. The wise chief vizier gave him a ring and asked him to wear it and at times of crisis to look at the words which were inscribed on top.

Which is what I will have to do till the crisis is resolved...

The words are

 “THIS TOO WILL PASS”